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Mr.Fahrenheit (Level 5 Killer Klown) at 4/19/2014 9:01:00 PM

Ugh I just tried doing some C64 stuff and I have no idea how people can come up with ideas, and from there, stay motivated to finish anything. I literally gave up after about 2 minutes :c. I'm also pixelling with a mouse with a possibly broken finger which might help with the frustration. Guess its back to watching archer.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/19/2014 7:55:00 PM

yep, makes sense, jalonso. I'm not sure I'll have enough to warrant separate pages, etc.. but having contact info should be up front I think, along with the main things I'm known for- everything else will probably be more subdued. I like to keep things simple.

@fahrenheit.. :P man, now I'm remembering all sorts of old stuff that felt really amazing at the time.. It's still amazing, but pretty crazy how things have changed.. I don't know what is more amazing- looking back at old tech or looking at new tech..


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/19/2014 6:57:00 PM

Nothing confuses clients like too many 'skill departments'. Consider a generic business site to lure and contact and then send that client to a sub-site area that is specific. Say www.alexhw.com and www.alex.com/oneskill. That makes sense? Not a link, its own mini site.


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Mr.Fahrenheit (Level 5 Killer Klown) at 4/19/2014 5:53:00 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=X7AjnpT6guk

Am I late for christmas?

Pretty cool vid I though and pretty solid pixelling on some of the scenes.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/19/2014 3:53:00 PM

Thanks for the tips, stitchy and jalonso. I may try to branch out into other things besides the visual arts, so I'm trying to figure out the best way to present all of it.


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/19/2014 2:45:00 PM

So many old timers in the last week popping up in one form or another.

When you sign up for PJ its foreva!

.


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/19/2014 1:04:00 PM

Holy hell I haven't heard st0ven's name mentioned in like forever. O_O


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/19/2014 12:41:00 PM

@AlexHW, I like your site but it is not the easiest to figure out right away which can hurt if clients are important. The top image gallery can easily be seen just as a banner graphic and risks being missed. If clients/commisions are part of the site its best to be as plain and boring as possible and let the work speak. With dash of creativity.

---

@Stitchy, you think st0ven long before you scroll down and its verified.


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Stitchy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/19/2014 11:42:00 AM

@ inphy: Post a news article about it, that game looks amazing! O.O It looks like st0ven is doing the art!

On a somewhat similar note, did you all know our member hwadock (aka dugy) who is known for doing a majority of the sprite work for Ragnarok Online, is working on sprites for a "spiritual successor" to RO called Tree of Savior? I was thinking of posting a news article about it, but it looks like the majority of the game is not actual pixel art, and more like the works of Vanillaware with 2D and 3D elements. The class sprites that hwadock is likely creating might be more like "true" pixel art, though it is hard to tell. Anyway, thought that was interesting!

@AlexHW: I think it would be nice if the look of the website filled out to the sides more, like the tweets take up 1/3 to the far left, your resume in the center, and your pixel works on the far right. Maybe instead of having to hover over your pixel works to see the full size, them just loading to the right at full size would be good. Maybe the top header with your name and traditional works could stretch all the way across the window, this would give you bigger previews that may catch the eye better.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/19/2014 11:29:00 AM

I'm thinking of redesigning my website completely.. any thoughts, suggestions, ideas, etc? Anything you'd want to see?


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inphy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/19/2014 9:34:00 AM

Pretty cool looking Metroidvania on Kickstarter for all y'alls


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/19/2014 8:34:00 AM

I envy you people that have the luxury of RP'ing in real life. I have this regular group of friends that I RP online with, and most of the time it fizzles after a few days (a week or two if we're lucky). The timezone differences are the biggest obstacle to get over. Got a friend in England, Netherlands, New Zealand, we can get together once or twice but on a consistent basis is... *sigh* ...problematic.

If anyone is interested there's this really wacky one we played once. It's pretty nice when certain people's timezone is set to 4AM and they don't want to deal with hardcore D&D campaigns. Giggles all around.

And on that note if anyone wants to try RP'ing online, I know a place. The admin is batshit insane though and will probably shank you in the back of the head, so watch out for that fucker. But otherwise it's a friendly place, if a bit dead at the moment.


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nvision (Level 4 Team Leader) at 4/19/2014 6:53:00 AM

Have you tried Infrno at all?  I've run and played a few games over there and had a great time, including some playtesting for The Unspeakable Oath.  They've got a decent virtual table and built-in dice roller.  It's not quite the same expereince as the physical table, but when everyone in your regular group have jobs and kids to deal with it can help get in some extra playtime when schedules won't mesh.

I'm still getting used to playing D20 again, after being so immersed in BRP and percentile checks.  I have to switch to dice that were currently "cursed" because they consistently rolled high.  In CoC, a high roll means your terrible dread lich-lord is suddenly getting his cloak snagged on statuary in the mausoleum and stumbling over coffins.  That was an "interesting" climax to a scenario. :p


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Zeratanus (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/19/2014 6:34:00 AM

We were using Pathfinder fantasy campaign, and they switched to d20 Modern for a Supernatural/Ghost Busters-ish campaign (They never use any premade module stuff in that group). Of what I've played (3.5, Pathfinder, and d20 Modern), I prefer Pathfinder myself, but our GM hated the way they laid out the books for loot tables and whatnot. The general consenus was that Pathfinder is better for players, worse for the GM.

I've played online a few times before, but they've had a shoddy track record thus far and it's really missing something without the social gathering feeling of all being around a table.


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CELS (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/19/2014 5:19:00 AM

@king_bobston: Hah, that's all kinds of awesome!  


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nvision (Level 4 Team Leader) at 4/19/2014 5:00:00 AM

Zeratanus, what were you playing and what did you change to?  I run a Call of Cthulhu game, and we've been playing through Masks of Nyarlathotep, but I've been taking breaks to introduce different systems.  I won the Pathfinder Core books as part of a "best GM" award at a con last month and I'm hoping to give it a whirl soon.  I'm thinking of running the Corpse Crown modules for ease of transition, but I'm open to suggestions if anyone has any.


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king_bobston (Level 2 Dealer) at 4/19/2014 1:11:00 AM

I can relate with that *brofist*


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ptoing (Level 7 Underboss) at 4/18/2014 11:46:00 PM

Just wanted to point out that Helm posted a new piece which kinda got lost because he did not know about the preview image size restrictions.

http://www.pixeljoint.com/pixelart/85481.htm


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Delicious (Level 8 Guerrilla) at 4/18/2014 9:49:00 PM

I'm gonna start a fund to support my habbits. I'll spend it on alcohol and video games pretty much.

Funny too cause I've seen this done and the kid raised 2 grand.


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Zeratanus (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/18/2014 9:00:00 PM

Maaaaaan all this talk of social stuff and my D&D group goes and pulls a fast one on me. They (meaning unanimous besides myself) have voted to drop the current game we've been playing for like a freaking year and do a completely different one that doesn't interest me in the slightest... ah well, I saw it coming a while back, and it wasn't an emotionally charged event, so i guess it went better than i feared it might.

so hey guess who just got a lot more free time! Ah well.


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CELS (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/18/2014 8:33:00 PM

 Re: "I didn't realize there were so many crazy broken people here on PJ, kinda makes me feel a little better about myself."

I'm actually a successful pixel art millionaire dating multiple supermodels of various ethnicities. I do stand-up comedy in weekends, not for the money, but just because I can. I have lots of friends, a vast number of interesting and funny anecdotes from my travels around the world and I'm very comfortable around women.

I thought all PJ'ers were the same. Now I feel alienated. I think I'll go for a drive. In my Bugatti Veyron.

Re: "Nothing makes one more 'interesting' than being an artist."

Let's not kid ourselves. AlexHW's "Death Magic" piece is the kind of pixel art anyone would appreciate, even this girl. But there's no woman alive who is turned on when a guy shows her his C64 retro mockup of Flight Simulator 2000.  

Re: "Please, please no pixelart with 3 birds in the sky, k."

We should have 3 birds in the sky above all smileys on PJ. It would make them more realistic.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/18/2014 7:33:00 PM

:P relationships can take a lot of work.


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/18/2014 4:15:00 PM

"All this talk is making me want to socialize with people :P"

Now that's what I like to hear!

Right now my biggest problem in life is being tormented with something I want but something that is just out of reach. See, there's this girl... I'm pretty sure that's all self explanatory. XD


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/18/2014 3:41:00 PM

I don't hang out with anyone, nor do I chat with anyone online except for these random cases.. But there are definately cool people out there, and usually they're people who are similar to you. I've had times in the past where I might talk with someone and realize that they're really interesting, or that they'll be interested in what I say. It's hard to find these people unless you put yourself in situations where you can talk to multiple people, because often it might take talking to a few before you find someone that meshes well with you. Everyone has a style I guess, and some styles work together better than others. I haven't really found a good place to do this though.. I tried going to an art club once, but the club leader didn't run it well and It only lasted one meeting. I might try to search for some new clubs though since the weather is getting warmer. All this talk is making me want to socialize with people :P


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king_bobston (Level 2 Dealer) at 4/18/2014 3:00:00 PM

Most of my friends haven't seen anything I draw and almost all don't know I pixel. It's a secret between me and the internet.

4 birds in the sky is the new 3 birds.


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Dr D (Level 4 Shichikyu) at 4/18/2014 2:39:00 PM

Hmm the social anxiety part is not that bad, really. I can break the ice with someone, but usually have a hard time continuing from there. I'm just really bad at conversation, always have been. I am a very good listener but can never think of responses that would be appropriate. My "conversations" are usually other people doing 80% of the talking. And I try reallly hard to think of something to say, but I probably just either think too slow or think too much..

And yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do once college is over, so I'm hoping to be able to work on my problems and make some good friends while I still go. I'm not a person that really likes to go out much. It's part of the reason I don't take online classes and regret dropping out of high school, which is also something that I did and missed the social aspect of, so I can relate.

@jal, I've shown my art to several people whom I've got closer to, hoping to use it as an avenue for more conversation and showing people a bit about myself, but I don't always get the ability to really talk about it that much. Those people didn't ask many questions so it feels a bit awkward to keep talking about it when they didn't seem interested. Conversation is a two way thing and it's not always me that is failing at it, I guess. Perhaps they don't know enough about the art to ask about it or simply don't care. I'm probably talking to the wrong kinds of people...


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/18/2014 1:09:00 PM

Connecting to people is quite easy if you're motivated to do it. The trick is to listen to people and ask questions.

To make things easier on the anti-socialness try doing things that don't require much talking in the moment. Watch a movie, play a game, or sports. Afterwards the conversation will come naturally without feeling too forced.

If your social anxieties aren't too severe go to random places and just strike up conversations with people. If even you're just asking a sales person about whatever product they want to peddle on you. You'll be surprised how good you'll feel interacting with another person.

School is probably the best place to make friends. In all honesty I miss the social aspect of school.


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inphy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/18/2014 1:03:00 PM

Birds!

Crows are indeed crazy intelligent and awesome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGPGknpq3e0

And lyre birds are awesome too (watch to the end!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjE0Kdfos4Y


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/18/2014 12:45:00 PM

ps + +1:
Nothing makes one more 'interesting' than being an artist.
Non artists are impressed by the title alone.

Everyone wants to be an artist because its 'interesting'.
Make art (pixels  ) and show everyone, submit to PJ and carry an iPad to connect with others.
We communicate best thru our creative side so make it work for you.

All art is a visual communication so start communicating with the one thing you have that makes you special, unique, interesting and if you play it right ... seeexy!

You don't (shouldn't) compare you art to other people's art why compare your way of interacting with others and the way you ruffle your feathers to the way others do.

---

@all, go to your room. Load the National Geographic Channel and search for documentaries on Bird of Paradise and don't worry if you feel like a pidgeon.

*pigeons rule the world and crows are the smartest creatures.
** Please, please no pixelart with 3 birds in the sky, k.
 


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/18/2014 12:34:00 PM

Everyone has those same experiences. Even those you 'think' are polular and have all the social graces. This is mostly a human condition and demons we all fight daily with ourselves. Everyone is interesting and likeable in some form and everyone has a story.

If you judge everyone for everything and anything. If everyone you meet and talk to is uninteresting and have nothing to say and you don't 'understand' anyone at all and if everyone is totally stupid...

...then you have a valid point. If not, you're being silly, shy, normal therefore interesting.

---

Dude, c'mon you're a Doctor!


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Dr D (Level 4 Shichikyu) at 4/18/2014 12:23:00 PM

*Raises hand*

I too have some social anxiety issues, although not to extreme levels. Even more than that though, I have the problem of, whenever I do get comfortable enough to speak to people, I don't have anything interesting to talk about. I spend all of my time on the computer playing games, researching art or creating it, and other stuff like dabbling in programming and surfing the web. I enjoy the time I spend doing the things I want to do, and of course it is mostly going towards eventually making a career out of it, but when it comes to helping me in social situations, it sucks, because I feel like 99% of the time I can't connect with the other person, they don't do or understand the things I do, and I may even not say something for fear of being judged. (Although that is a somewhat stupid fear to have after thinking about it, but I suppose it's human nature.) And to be honest, I am pretty bad at making conversation even when I am comfortable around the person and we have some things in common.

All this leads to a lack of friends, which helps the cycle to repeat itself. Not having friends = more time alone = less friends. I used to have many friends when I was younger, but most of them went their separate ways, or we just fell apart. I fell out of touch with my best friend when he got into collecting expensive shoes and skateboarding. I tried to get into it too, just for the sake of it, but I wasn't good at it and it wasn't me at all. My best friends now are two people that I've never met in person before and my older brother. Making new friends is hard, which is weird, considering I've heard a lot of other people losing friends as they get older.

And don't even get me started on dating. I'm more or less hoping for a miracle to happen at this point.


On another note, anyone like motivational things?


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/18/2014 10:59:00 AM

inphy, dad's already on disability and getting the most "support" he's going to get. (Fucker got drunk at work and fell off a roof. Damanged his spine and leg.)

Zera, on the rare occasions that I go outside and see people I sometimes whip out my phone and just start tapping it with my thumb wildly. Makes it look like I'm too busy texting someone, so no one expects me to make eye contact with them.

And yeah I totally know what you mean. I have a problem making eye contact with people so wearing shades helps somehow.

jal, I have a hard time memorizing my birthday, address, and telephone number, let alone social security or driver's license. I just play off mah natural charms. *puppy dog eyes* Worked the one and only time I got pulled over. XD


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/18/2014 10:24:00 AM

Take advice from the elderly.

Memorize your driver's license # and always play dumb and offer to give it first.

Of course, you have the driver's license but the more important part is that the cop WILL be impressed and speechless. Nothing can be wrong when you know who you are. Off you go free and clear. I've done this many times since the horse/buggy days without fail.

...you're welcome!


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Zeratanus (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/18/2014 8:21:00 AM

"Alex, yeah, paralysis by analysis. That happens far too often. I keep playing and replaying things in my head to a point where I have near psychic powers that I'll know what the other person will be talking about."

Dangit man yeah, those spirals of negativity through reading into things that likely never existed and running through the ten thousand ways a situation can go is the freaking worst. Being over-analytical has its perks sometimes but damn it makes for a bad combination with these issues~

Also with the police thing, I was once followed for a few blocks and he turned on his lights when I turned into the alley to park in my house. Being only two houses down, I just drove over and parked in my driveway. Thankfully the jackass couldn't come up with a reason when he realized I was just going home and not drunk or high, so he fed me some BS that it was against the law to use the alleys at night unless you lived there (Not that he waited to find out, nor was that why he was following me for the past few blocks, but hey!)

To be fair, my car looks like shit, so I can kiiiinda understand being suspicious of it when I'm parking in a non-ghetto part of town, but that ain't a reason to pull me over~

Totally understand the night jogging too! I had started doing that before the winter hit. I should get back on that. And in college when I walked everywhere during the day (Didn't get my license until a good half year or more after college :P) I wore shaded goggles whenever I went out. Got a few odd looks from the goggles, but there's something about hiding part of my face that makes me feel a bit more comfortable when im out and about. Sadly they dont fit over my newer pairs of glasses so I had to buy some over-glasses shades instead.


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inphy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/18/2014 7:42:00 AM

Check the med companies' websites for "patient assistance program" or some such; in your situation you or your father may actually be eligible for free medicine straight from the company.


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/18/2014 7:12:00 AM

You know that old saying about how misery loves company? I didn't realize there were so many crazy broken people here on PJ, kinda makes me feel a little better about myself. XD

And Hap, as everyone already said we don't/can't.

Perfect example: My dad's meds sometimes cost up to $300 per 2-3 week refill. We don't have that kind of money. So we prioritize. We get things he actually needs, like his heart medication, then we whittle down the rest. If we can afford it for that month we just get generics of his brand name drugs. If we can't then we don't get anything at all. We only get what he NEEDS, everything else depends on how much money we have at the time. And stuff that he's supposed to take twice a day he takes once a day.

Health care is fucked up in this country. Everything comes down to profitability.

Also as long as we're on the same line of thought, here's an interesting fact for you non-Americans out there: Our police force is a business too. They have a quota of how many tickets they need to give per month. At the end of the month it doesn't matter if you broke the law or not, they'll find a way to slap you with a ticket if they're behind on their quota.

Fun story! I once got $500 worth of parking tickets for... wait for it... you're gonna love this part... PARKING IN FRONT OF MY OWN HOUSE!!!

"1:00 AM - Vehicle inappropriately parked."
"1:30 AM - Failure to move vehicle."
"2:00 AM - Failure to move vehicle."
"2:30 AM - Failure to move vehicle."
...etc.

This asshole found SOMETHING about the way I parked my car, despite the fact that I parked in front of my own goddamn house. And then kept coming around every half hour to slap on another ticket until about 7 in the morning.


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king_bobston (Level 2 Dealer) at 4/18/2014 1:08:00 AM

Yeah, through it has a cap at 28 days or 280€ for a year. If you sit through that in one month it can quite hit your wallet. But I'm pretty glad that we only have to pay a part, since if we wouldn't have our healthcare system I would either be dead or in debt.


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Elk (Level 3 Stalker) at 4/18/2014 12:08:00 AM

i love shy guys


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Mr.Fahrenheit (Level 5 Killer Klown) at 4/17/2014 8:59:00 PM

You got this greenie and all the others! 

I'm not going to pretend I have anything as bad as you guys but I'm a pretty shy guy and do the same thing with overthinking things and am trying to work through that with some struggle but its going alright. I still tend not to talk when around people I dont really know well and am too scared to try and change much about myself, but I'm getting there and so can you guys. One step at a time. I'm on my schools track team and honestly track practice is one of the best parts of my day because you can just forget about what other people are thinking and just focus on running. Excersize is really nice, even just walking a dog or something is relaxing.


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DatMuffinMan (Level 4 Mercenary) at 4/17/2014 7:18:00 PM

I remember reading somewhere that the mayor of NY once fixed the homelessness problem by buying all of them a one-way ticket to whereever they chose 


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surt (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/17/2014 6:36:00 PM

The corporations stay healthy. After all thats what matters in the end.
 


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/17/2014 6:10:00 PM

We don't because we can't :(

Health plan = cure anything by getting passed the Canadian border and drop to the ground.

Dental Plan = Eat on the other side

Mental Health Plan = Have friends crazier than you.

Cure All|Fix All = bacon!


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cure (Level 10 Capo) at 4/17/2014 6:05:00 PM

They don't.


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Hapiel (Level 11 Admiral) at 4/17/2014 5:58:00 PM

Hmm.. Dutch citizens pay around 90 - 100 eur per month for a basic insurance perhaps also 160 if you include dental and fysiotherapy etc...
Luckily those who don't earn much money get some back, so I end up paying only 25 per month!
Oh, not to forget, Dutch citizens have an 'own risk'(deductible) of at least 160 eur per year...

I still do not understand how people can afford to stay healthy in the USA...


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/17/2014 5:29:00 PM

A couple years or so ago I wasn't taking much care of myself, and had some beliefs that the world was spying on me, etc.. Looking back on it, I think I was nutrient deficient or something like that because I wasn't eating well, plus I'd always eat the same thing everyday.. I'm not saying it will fix everything, but if your diet is really bad, it might help to improve it- take a quality multi-vitamin, eat healther foods, etc.. If you're exercising, it's even more important because your body needs to be able to recover/repair itself from any wear and tear.


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Mandrill (Level 5 Assistant Manager) at 4/17/2014 5:27:00 PM

@ Hapiel

Yep, Bobston is right. It is the hospital that has to charge 10€ per night because the state funded payments for most assured people who don't have very expensive private insurance are pretty low at the moment. I can't tell you exact numbers though.

I went through eye surgery in February. They kept me for two days and I spent  20€ for that. :)

I pay a monthly fee of 160€ for my insurance which covers almost everything I can think of. Not that bad of a deal. :D


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Hapiel (Level 11 Admiral) at 4/17/2014 4:05:00 PM

@bobston: I didn't know about the hospital charge, glad I never was in a German hospital for a night. I did once pay this quarterly 10eur though when I lived in Berlin


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/17/2014 3:49:00 PM

Zizka, yeah I suppose there is that. I often say that mental illnesses are like a minefield, you stumble into one and it'll trigger two more. There are several periods where I have classic Schizophrenia 101. I get the feeling like everyone is talking about me behind my back, keeping secrets from me, plotting against me. And that triggers the social anxiety, and agrophobia, and god knows what else is lurking in that tangled ball of yarn in my head.

Stitchy, *hugs gurl* I missed you. Yeah the epilepsy is the biggest factor in my anti-socialness. If I can just do away with the shaking and the trembling I might have a fighting chance to plow through this. An internet support group is actually a really good idea, part of what's holding me back from getting the help I need is knowing that I'll have to be around people.

And going to a friend's place is a good idea, if I still had any friends. I slowly sort of drifted away from everyone (and dropped out of high school) and eventually cut contact because I couldn't deal with what's out there. One of my friends actually found me about two years back and sent me an invitation to his wedding, I sort of just chucked it on the table and never looked at it again because the thought of being surrounded by so many people terrified me.

I don't know about yoga but I actually started jogging recently... in the middle of the night like the weirdo that I am. At night when the streets of devoid of life the world doesn't seem as scary. Although crossing roads is still a bit difficult even when there's no cars around.

Alex, yeah, paralysis by analysis. That happens far too often. I keep playing and replaying things in my head to a point where I have near psychic powers that I'll know what the other person will be talking about.

Elk, I don't think I've ever heard that before. And I think all of us anti-social weirdos prevent ourselves from getting into situations that'll trigger our crazy by shutting ourselves in and refusing to go out into the world for weeks at a time. XD

jal, aw *hugs* I still wuvs you, even if you are a plague carrying leper. <3

bobston, yeah. I'm kinda glad PJ is different that most sites where everyone would just tell me to stfu and just go kill myself already.

A day like today when so many people reach out, I feel alright.


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Mandrill (Level 5 Assistant Manager) at 4/17/2014 3:19:00 PM

@ Bobston

No worries

@ Jal's post

http://www.findmall.com/smileys/Crylol.gif


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king_bobston (Level 2 Dealer) at 4/17/2014 2:16:00 PM

Neither tried Bills mom, she only tried to cut the loose thread. And I didn't thought that and neither wanted to imply it.

@jalonso
An emo teenager is far scarier than whatever a "ware"-wolf is.

And now I noticed I wrote EVERTHING instead of EVERYTHING. I should go to bed. Everthing will be ok, folks!


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/17/2014 1:58:00 PM

That's not a warewolf that's an emo teenager, jeez 9.9


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Elk (Level 3 Stalker) at 4/17/2014 1:56:00 PM

My mom never tried and never will harm me though :P regardless of what I do.

But when that event happened, she was scared that I would rip her apart as I yelled to her to leave me alone, as I locked myself in my room in my past state. But she was presistent, unfortunate for her, followed by seeing her son snarl and drool and unveiling her the face of a cornered animal that is only protecting himself. The End.


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king_bobston (Level 2 Dealer) at 4/17/2014 1:34:00 PM

@Mandrill
That is a nice quote collection! Thanks for sharing.

@greenraven
I don't really know you but I can say that the chatterbox would be far more boring without you! You know, after all this advice you got I really am unable to add anything of much value. But have a little wisdom from a mid-tweener anyway; be persistent (or like I like to call it stubborn)! It's far more important to keep going, to stand back up and to try to have a steady pace than to haste to your goals. Also as dumbo and AlexHW already said, people are more concerned with themselves. When someone is concerned about your being it generally means that they like you or that they have big problems themselves.

@Elk
"I scared the shit out of my mom" reminds me of a part of EVERTHING WILL BE OK from Don Hertzfeldt. The one at 12:52.

@Hapiel
In germany I had to pay 10€ a day for hospital (there's a maximum on how much you have to pay) and up until recently 10€ per quarter for a doctor (which was a stupid idea from german goverment which they luckily changed back).


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/17/2014 1:30:00 PM

You and I are compatible so its not the bronyness :P


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Elk (Level 3 Stalker) at 4/17/2014 1:27:00 PM

Oh I know someone in real that has also bronyness, serious matter... he and I were not really compatible just because of his bronyness...


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/17/2014 1:25:00 PM

No illness is fun and it takes effort to cake care of them and all that.

You guys are way lucky that at least noone is trying to kill you for it like some are with my 'illness'


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Elk (Level 3 Stalker) at 4/17/2014 1:05:00 PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_lycanthropy

 
DSM-IV Criteria Clinical Lycanthropy is thought to be a cultural
manifestation of schizophrenia due to the first 4 symptomatic criteria
 
What I experienced, cannot be schizophrenia, as I am able to be some sort of narrator when I am in a state as explained. I can see what I'm doing, I'm well aware. But I can hardly control it. That's why I used the term "panic attack" as the feeling is very overwhelming.
 
Also, I don't believe that I can transform into a supernatural being lol. Or whatever the definition of a werewolf may be :P I'm just saying its an animalistic selfprotection that occurs whenever some impulse get snapped up by me. Then "it" happens. It's a weird thing, but its natural, thats for sure.
 
And therapists can not help me. I've had treatment from some of the best Psychiatrists specialized in Psychiatry & Neurology aswell as things like these subcategorical occurences :p
 
For the record, its a rare(from what I have experienced in my surroundings, which is kind of ultra-large-scaled) variation of ADHD, thats what my (Former)Psychiatrist and I have came to atleast.
 
I stopped seeing him as he was really interested in how it manifests, was also very open in trying different medications but I did not really like that...
 
Regardless, I will not get deeper into this topic...
 
 
 
 

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Zizka (Level 5 Sniper) at 4/17/2014 12:40:00 PM

Hmm... social anxiety. I can relate. I managed to overcome it so it *is* possible. 

You know what helped me? Cutting off video games. I was escaping in a virtual world and felt so much comfort there, I didn't want to leave. I would go out to go to the groceries and stock up on food then just shelter in my apartment, going through everything remotely edible before going out again. Man, what awful memories. Oh well, it's a thing of the past now.

Medication does help, I think it's mandatory (well it was for me). I wouldn't go back to a life without medication, I was borderline socially dysfunctional. 

Anyways, I guess my point is fear will vanish only if you look at it straight in the eye, look the devil in the eye as they say. 

I hope you free yourself from your inner deamons. 


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Mandrill (Level 5 Assistant Manager) at 4/17/2014 11:48:00 AM

There is an interesting post on muddycolours with the title "Artists' Favorite Quotes on Art, The Universe, and Everything".

Some of the quotes summarise the things you folks said quite nicely. Check it out.

-Click-


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inphy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/17/2014 11:40:00 AM

Well, I'm no Dr. House but I can tell you it's not lupus. *ba dum tss*

*howling wind sfx, tumbleweeds roll by*

As in, uh, canis lupus. Get it? ..wolf? ...I'll grab my coat.

--

Real talk though, go see a therapist. Therapy for everyone! I'm not a doctor and certainly don't want to get into internet dia-guess-nosis business, but I'm pretty sure werewolf is not in the DSM whereas bipolar is.


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Elk (Level 3 Stalker) at 4/17/2014 11:02:00 AM

I have something similar to "panic" attacks, but its more an animalistic primordial instinct-selfprotection system whereas I have werewolf-like symptoms, but I have it more or less under control. Last time it happened I scared the shit out of my mom, dont want to have that happen again

My solution is to refrain from entering situations that could let me get loose, being exposed to certain impulses.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/17/2014 10:34:00 AM

I just remembered something from when I use to have sever social anxiety. A big part of what prolonged the experience during any moment where I had it, was the fact that I would dwell upon the focus being placed upon me. I would be so consumed with the thought that someone else was expecting me to do something/say somthing, etc, that I would perpetuate thoughts about what I was about to do, about what could happen, about what they might think of me if I did one thing, if I did another thing.. This process would prevent me from even doing anything because I was too scared to pick a response, too scared to expose myself for fear that I would get judged by it in a way I wouldn't want to be judged.. My mind was split between the past and future and I wasn't capable of being present and comfortable with myself.

I eventually was able to realize what I was doing on my own, but it took a long time, and I also had to break through the idea that others had an expectation of who I was. For some reason, I thought that is people already know that I don't respond well or talk well, then even if I try to change it, people would think I am acting unnatural.. I latched on to that as an excuse to not have to try to change anything.

But eventually I realized if I just do one little thing to make a change more expected, then I could feel more comfortable doing it. I realized that if I just say something as soon as I could, then I'd have created a situation where I couldn't back out of it and had to continue expressing myself because I had started- it would be unnatural to stop.. So instead of ignoring everything and trying to avoid stuff, I made an effort to create that initiative that would produce an expectation I would have to act out on the spot, and in doing so I become myself more confidently because my worst fears wouldn't manifest, people didn't care too much what I said or did. I also realized that other people were more concerned with themselves too..

So yea.. I still have social anxiety, but I'm not as affected by it as I use to be..


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Stitchy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/17/2014 10:13:00 AM

Greenie, I'm sorry for all you've been going through. Lots of the folks here have given you some great words, and I'm generally not very good at that, but I certainly second them. You are not alone! Have you considered looking for an epilepsy support group before? I have a feeling you might have, but it's certainly worth trying once (and again!) You seem to do alright with internet interactions, so an online group might be a good start. Maybe you just need an outlet to vent your frustrations and hear the frustrations of others who truly understand your feelings, you know? I know epilepsy isn't the whole problem, but you have pick a path and start there, yeah?

As far as your social anxiety, it sounds like the epilepsy is a huge contributing factor to it's severity. Looking for a support group for the anxiety might be a good idea as well, but you should only do what you feel you can do. Taking it in small steps rather than large leaps will be better for you, trust me. Perhaps going out to a friend's place, and only a friend's place, just to hang out would be much easier to handle than the mall/DMV. Once you have no problem with the easier social situations, then move on to more public settings.

When I was a manager at a small retail chain, my assistant manager had panic attacks. She was a hard working and responsible individual, but it was very difficult for her on many days where she had to work, especially during the times she was the only employee on the floor. It was hard for me sometimes to ask her to do things and keep at it, but I knew that her giving up was never going to help her. She was medicated, but she did a lot of other things to help herself, especially during the times she was not medicated. She learned proper breathing exercises, changed her diet so she was not consuming junk (caffeine, sugar/corn syrup, etc) and started doing yoga. All those things helped her immensely. Yoga was a big factor in her feeling good, because it was relaxing and it was exercise. I'm not sure how safe yoga would be for you, but on a similar note, meditation is something I strongly recommend. It has helped me when I've been feeling particularly scared and anxious, because I do also suffer from a level of social anxiety. A healthy body will help you have a healthy mind, and if you are not eating right and not exercising, you can't expect yourself to feel as good as you might like to feel.

Turns out I had quite a bit to say, I hope it might help you, Greenie!


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Elk (Level 3 Stalker) at 4/17/2014 9:11:00 AM

just drawn a fanart for steve aoki, can anyone with good foreshortening skills make a good lineart edit? ^^

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/18369116/fanart/aoki6.jpg


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Zizka (Level 5 Sniper) at 4/17/2014 4:35:00 AM

Agoraphobia? 

 

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Noburo (Level 4 Lieutenant) at 4/16/2014 8:37:00 PM

Did she have to pay to get it in?


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/16/2014 7:42:00 PM

Thanks peeps. I'm really grateful you haven't run me out of town with pitchforks and torches after all these years. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with sometimes. Especially when I have these freakouts.

And I'm sorry for those of you who are going through similar things, or know someone who is. This shit is never easy, even if you're just watching from the sidelines. Zera sounds like a copy of me, plus wife.

As for the therapist, been there done that. First and foremost going to one is an ordeal in itself. Last time I went I had to cling to the walls because I was trembling so much. A simple walk from the parking lot to the lobby to the office took thirty minutes, I wish I was making that up. Every step I took I felt like I was going to collapse. And then once I got into the office it took three or four minutes of quivering just to drag out a "yes" or "no" out of my mouth. My body just completely shuts down and refuses to move around other people. I want to speak, but I can't.

And also I've gotten to a point where medication doesn't do anything for me. My doctor already upped the dosage to four times the recommeded amount, and it wasn't doing shit. He was afraid of increasing to five times, and we already ran out of drugs to pump into my system.

Speaking of pool parties though... irc://irc.slashnet.org/pixeljoint

As for leel action I'll see what I can do with my stalk-o-matic powerz.


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Adarias (Level 10 Operative) at 4/16/2014 6:28:00 PM

my little phoebe is all grown up, today she took a fish head out to see a movie.  I'm pixelling celtic knots and getting ready to watch Mad Men.  Today is a good day.


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Zizka (Level 5 Sniper) at 4/16/2014 5:43:00 PM

Forum hilights are nice. Good reward for perseverance. 


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RileyFiery (Level 8 Marshal) at 4/16/2014 5:13:00 PM

I like the forum highlight article. That should be done more often.


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dumbo (Level 3 Private Eye) at 4/16/2014 3:44:00 PM

Greenie... maybe going to The Mall and DMV (yeah... I remember) aren't the best places to only leave the house to first after a long stay at home, Brotha!!!

Green, ending something is just soo final. If I had followed through on all the times I'd thought of that as a young person in my life... I wouldn't have had the BEST thing that EVER happened to me occur in my life since those times.

My son...

As said before here, greeniepants. You're NOT alone, dude! Just remember that!

When someone walks by you... they're wondering what you're thinking about them.


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AshCrimson (Level 2 Flatfoot) at 4/16/2014 2:36:00 PM

Shout outs to all the people who helped me and especially to Jalonso for highlighting the thread!


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/16/2014 1:32:00 PM

I was PMing with a PJer and mentioned both PB and BtG. Stitchy just made a WIP thread then asked for help, Dio was logged in and skull just posted on Indigo's thread. I noticed skull's siggy was gone which was a P_O derivative so I thought of him. The CB is all green and then even you ask me something...

We need some leel action!

POOL PARTY \o/


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Hapiel (Level 11 Admiral) at 4/16/2014 1:15:00 PM

Woo, nice collection of people! I am happy to see Stitchy back, and where did you dig up the others?


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Hapiel (Level 11 Admiral) at 4/16/2014 1:13:00 PM

What a therapist costs?

Move to Europe, get a health insurance. Problem solved ;)

If I were to make an estimate how much hours therapists spend on me.... about 400? And then this is not counting all the special education with high intensity coaching and care, the year in care farming, school mentors and all the discussions about me that I don't know about and took place behind closed doors..

It is however not hard to estimate how much money this cost to me or my family: €0


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/16/2014 1:07:00 PM

Not to take attention away from green but today has been a day of PJ memories for me.
The CB has been green-centric and today I have written of, spoken of, messaged with and seen active:
PB, BtG, stitchy, skull and Dio which made me think of P_O...

We need some leel action!
 


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Zeratanus (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/16/2014 12:59:00 PM

I know I'm no psychologist, and I know self-diagnosing is a terrible idea generally (Sure ain't easy to have an unbiased view of yourself!). But for people who have actual deep rooted fears of interacting with people it's not just using it as a justification, it's having to overcome the fear itself enough to get help with it. And, at least with me, I'm well aware that that kind of fear is irrational, but that doesnt help get over it. And that it doesn't help and I know its stupid leads to feeling ashamed and bouts of depression, and then you get a whole negative spiral going, and that can go to some bad places. It's not as simple to get over and do it - it was a massive battle to even admit to my wife I have these kinds of problems.

But getting past that into admitting it has helped quite a bit. I'm don't have near as many depressive episodes as I did before, and I can fight them off better when they do hit. Talking about it has helped loads.

The main reason I'm not interested in getting therapy, aside from the fear and being stubborn in feeling like I should be able to control my own brain, is just that I don't really care to be social, so it is less of an issue. Green sounds like he wants to be, and can't, which if thats the case is a different story, but for the most part I'm perfectly happy to stay at home and only interact with my wife and roommate. Feeling comfortable around people would be great, but it's not something I have much interest in.

Thank you for the concern though :). And rest assured I haven't written the idea off completely, but for the time being I'm making progress on my own and don't yet feel the need to push it further.

(And ADrawingMan, fraid I have no idea what one costs really)


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Noburo (Level 4 Lieutenant) at 4/16/2014 12:29:00 PM
I really have no way of knowing what you're going through, so I won't pretend to empathize. Instead, I'll praise a couple of your noteworthy attributes that I've seen in you over the years. You are a dedicated individual and an inspriational pillar in the PJ community. Your unique sense of humor makes PJ feel friendlier and welcoming, although it could do with a few less butts.  

With our relatively close geographic proximity, I look forward to a time when I can bring up the 'ol NES for a day pixelated gaming. Until then you'll be in my prayers. Also putting on my Greenraven awareness month badge.


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inphy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/16/2014 12:28:00 PM

Sure, but they're professionals, they understand and work on your needs at your own pace. Seeing any kind of a doctor makes absolutely everyone anxious, some of course even more so, but it's very dangerous to use that as a justification for not seeing one. Conjure enough justifications up and you'll end up giving up on therapy without even trying it.

Having an interest in and studying psychology is a great thing - and I absolutely don't mean this in a derisive way - but that doesn't make anyone a psychologist or capable of making diagnoses, or even enable them to deal with their own issues. Heck, even professional therapists see therapists.

Go see a therapist, both of you, even if you're not considering harming yourself. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.


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ADrawingMan (Level 8 Shodan) at 4/16/2014 12:02:00 PM

Do you or anyone else on here know from experience how much a decent therapist would cost? 


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Zeratanus (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/16/2014 11:59:00 AM

I suppose I didn't mention it in my other post, but yeah I've got nothing against therapists (In fact I love and have often studied psychology). Nothing wrong with going to a therapist at all. Except that in the case of social anxiety and such being the issue and the whole having to meet and interact with another person thing. Because that's terrifying regardless with those issues. But I strongly encourage Green and anyone else seriously contemplating harming themselves (or anyone else for that matter) to see a therapist if possible.


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inphy (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/16/2014 11:34:00 AM

If you aren't seeing a therapist, go see one immediately. If you think seeing a therapist isn't helpful, go see one immediately. If you've seen a few therapists and think you've seen all of them, go see one immediately. If your next thought begins with "but" or "it's not so easy", go see one immediately. I guess my point is, go see a therapist. Immediately. There's nothing to be ashamed of in seeing a therapist, and seeing one isn't an admission of weakness of any sort. On the contrary. It's called taking control of your life and not letting a (very likely) treatable issue dictate who you are and what you can and can't do.


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Zeratanus (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/16/2014 11:15:00 AM

I've had social anxiety induced panic attacks before, I've lost days from anxiety over some little thing or another that happened in a social setting days before that meant nothing but burrowed into my head and wouldnt let go, I actually have the inability to start conversations with people even if I know we could be great friends, and when I play games like D&D with my friends, and the attention turns to 'me', I end up just staring dumbly until something happens that I can react to, because I'm terrified of initiating anything.

My dad was yelling at me the other day because I didn't want to invite my visiting cousin to my house. Because we haven't seen each other since we were kids and I have no idea how to act around them, so it's a horrifying thought.

I don't really have any advice to help I guess, just... I donno, from what you've said it sounds like you might have it worse than me, but know that you're not the only one with these types of problems. In my case, talking about it helps some - my wife has been awesome about it, and I was going to quit going to D&D with my friends, but after talking to them about my anxiety, and hearing them say that it was okay if I felt I had to quit but that they, if not understood, wanted to support me, I've been able to go without having quite as much of a problem as I did before.

My wife has suggested I see a shrink about it but I've got a thing where I feel like I should be able to cope with my own brain, so I haven't, but I did promise if I ever started feeling suicidal I would.

Anyway, so that's my story. Good luck man :\


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/16/2014 11:09:00 AM

I was suppose to start working on stuff 4 hours ago, but I haven't done anything yet!! I better get to work.. time doesn't stop for anyone..


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/16/2014 10:57:00 AM

Hey greenraven, the only girlfriend I had, is half paralyzed, and also gets seizures. She uses forearm crutches to get around and has difficulty standing. She's dealt with it since she was 5 years old if I remember correctly. She's told me a lot of things, so I want to say that I understand where you're coming from, but of course it is entirely different to have to live with it. I have my own problems, and lately, more than I thought I would have, but of course there are many people who have situations far worse and it sucks thinking about that. I don't have much to offer, but I wish I did, and I know others like me sometimes feel like it wouldn't make much difference if I weren't around. I think I continue because part of me feels like it wants to offer something greater than I am currently and I try to be thankful when people acknowledge what little I give. It's difficult sometimes, and I imagine it is more difficult for people who have a condition / handicap to receive those things that make the world feel more comforting, that makes their issues less pressing and allows them to feel more incorporated with everything. I don't know what the best way is to go about all of this, or to deal with it, etc.. I don't know if it's better to live a slave to our own conditions, or to go out fighting for what we believe in, using whatever ounce of strength we have left even if it hurts us. Maybe there are other solutions, but all I can really say from here, is that I hear you, and I'm thinking about you. I feel a little depressed saying that, because I realize it's not much, but I guess that's better than just passing you up. :\


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dumbo (Level 3 Private Eye) at 4/16/2014 10:56:00 AM

greenie

 

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Hapiel (Level 11 Admiral) at 4/16/2014 10:44:00 AM

 green


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/16/2014 10:10:00 AM

Yes get that extension made by a PJer. See the forum resource section or manybe I already added to links.

E: PMd link


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Friend (Level 2 Kukyu) at 4/16/2014 10:04:00 AM

does anyone know how to keep zoomed up pixels crisp in chrome?


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Leroy (Level 4 Mercenary) at 4/16/2014 9:22:00 AM

Construct editor couldn't handle all the objects so I'm generating them at the start of layout. Large(ish) scale tile-based destructible terrain! i.minus.com/ifCqYz63TGCFn.gif 

Ignore the 10fps framerate I recorded it at. It was actually quite smooth real-time and in actual use you wouldnt see 1/3rd of what is shown, and the tiles shouldn't be rendered outside the screen.


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greenraven (Level 9 Executioner) at 4/15/2014 11:47:00 PM

I wish the game of life would stop cheating so much...

...kinda having one of those weird nights where I turn to the chatterbox for some otherworldy wisdom cuz everything sucks ass outside the internet right now.

UP

DOWN

DOWN

UP

UP

DOWN

UP

DOWN

DOWN

DOWN

DOWN

UP

DOWN

LIFE

edit:

You know what? Fuck it. I've been trying really hard not to bleed my drama all over the chatterbox, but right now I just feel like I need to get this shit off my chest, and I'm starting to feel guilty about having to constantly running to grandpa jal.

I decided to be bold and brave this weekend and go to the mall, you know, try and pretend like I'm normal. Thing is, the lights, the sounds, the people... I ended up having a panic attack which led to a seizure.

My brother just sat there with me telling me "It's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it. Everything is gonna be ok. Just relax and don't worry." A part of me just wanted to slam my fist into the table and yell at him as loudly as possible because he's not the one who has to deal with this shit. But in the end I didn't. My nerves were already pretty shaken up and screaming wouldn't have helped anyone.

I'm just so tired. So very sick and tired. Of life. I'm tired of having to claw for every breath and fight for every step. I just want to be normal.

I've got a special someone in my life that's been super supportive of me, and I try to stay happy, but sometimes I just want to give up. Like I almost gave up about a month back. I had a tank of gas and a lighter all ready to go, all I had to do was light it up. And a car that was going 80 miles an hour. One great big fireball and I would have been gone.

I didn't because I want to live. I WANT TO LIVE. But god fucking dammit I can't live like this. My whole life is just me being shoved face first into the mud. Over and over and over and over. By people, by my own body, by my own mind.

Every time I try to stand back up something knocks be back down. I was so happy that I went to the mall because I felt normal, but nope, life says I'm not allowed to be normal. I have to skulk about in the shadows, avoid every human being with a ten foot pole, run and hide at the first sight civilization. People scare me. People legitimately and honestly scare me.

I honestly hope none of you ever have to know what it's like being a prisoner of your own flesh. To all you people out there who are just shy and anti-socially awkward, I envy you.

Fuck my life. >_<


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Zizka (Level 5 Sniper) at 4/15/2014 8:46:00 PM

You should use the Konami Code: up down up down left right left right select start. Worked for me and Contra.


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CELS (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/15/2014 8:46:00 PM

And, when you really need to kick back and relax... magic mushrooms.


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jalonso (Level 11 Godfather) at 4/15/2014 7:51:00 PM

That's why the game of life also requires potions


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/15/2014 7:27:00 PM

I need some extra lives so I can continue. Life's countdown is nervewracking when you lack coins.


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CELS (Level 6 SWAT) at 4/15/2014 5:36:00 PM

@AlexHW: You may have achieved a state of zen. Collect 10 life points.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/15/2014 5:05:00 PM

I just had a weird feeling when placing pixels, kind of like I was putting some love into them, but at the same time realizing that the love was getting put into me, which made me love the pixels more, like some sort of perpetual moment....


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RAV (Level 1 Rookie) at 4/15/2014 4:10:00 PM

The doctor prescribes some off-the-shelf synthpop.


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AlexHW (Level 4 Deputy) at 4/15/2014 1:30:00 PM

I hate getting blindsided by things. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain and calm my nerves.




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